i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
