I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
