Will you blow on my dice?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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