I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
