my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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