I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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