I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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