I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
