About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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