I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
