i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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