I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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