3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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