Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
