Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
whose parrot is this?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
