After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
