guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
