so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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There's always time for handjobs
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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