i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
