Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
