The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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