Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So vagazzling was a success
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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