last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
