my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
