Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Come on in and take your pants off
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