i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
