At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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