i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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