It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
