naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
