My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
