At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
