Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
