i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
