I'm drive I can fine osifer
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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