Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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