Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
