i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
