YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
