sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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