I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
