tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She bit a glass in half.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
