why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
