If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
