Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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