Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So vagazzling was a success
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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