Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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