Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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