Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
