first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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