does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sober January is a disaster.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
