i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
