It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
