am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
