Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
