Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
