Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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