I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize