I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
