I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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