I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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