my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
