my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
