I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want her autograph on my taint
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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