I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
