is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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