Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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