Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
