Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
