I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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