i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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