Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
