He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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