Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
