it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
