My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
