i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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